Buildout Virus Discovered
Commentary by Joe Reynolds
5/26/2004 7:38 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Ocean Pines, Maryland, USA
Special News Alert on Buildout Virus
A new and especially virulent virus, probably originating in China (but likely to be blamed on Mark Venit) is sweeping across Ocean Pines like a plague. Experts at Atlantic General have called it Buildout Virus. Especially susceptible, it seems, are all candidates for the OPA Board of Directors. As yet there is no known cure but OceanPinesForum.com has hired a special team of "doctors" in Haiti who are now working around the clock in search of a remedy. A breakthrough prior to the election is doubtful, however.
Symptoms of Buildout Virus include an extreme fear that buildout will quickly be followed by a catastrophic impact on Ocean Pines finances. In at least one case of Buildout Virus it seems a candidate was left in a delusional state with an intense, uncontrollable fear of a new development in Berlin, and making vague suggestions that River Run, Riddle Farms and other areas should become a part of Ocean Pines. Any non-infected individual knows full well this has about as much chance of happening as my brother-in-law reaching for the check when our family gets together at Grove Market for dinner.
Strangely, at this time only one known candidate has not been struck by the virus - Glenn Duffy. A grassroots election group, Ocean Pines Buildout Virus Emergency Group, known affectionately as OPBVEG, is holding a fund raiser to offset the costs of sending Duffy to Haiti where he will be examined by our crack team of Haitian "doctors" to see if they can determine how and why his body's immune system can fight the virus. Seats at the fundraiser, to be held at Fagers Island, pending negotiation of a half-price Tuesday night special, are by invitation-only. Rumor has it that Judy Boggs and Tom Cetola will be the keynote speakers at the event, but this has not been confirmed. Judy may have a conflict with one of her previously scheduled Town Meetings to educate the public about the impact of a new YMCA on Ocean Pines, and Tom is already slated as the keynote speaker at a conference of some 300-odd builders and developers desiring to tap into the Ocean Pines sewage system.
Meantime, some are speculating it is a lack of education among certain individuals that makes them more susceptible to the virus, and more specifically a failure to study and fully understand the universally accepted Law One of Reynolds' Laws of Economic Development and Taxation.
Rule One states - Growth Never Results In Lower Taxes.
Rule One's corollary is just as important - Growth Always Results in Higher Taxes.